{"id":33,"date":"2020-11-25T14:45:12","date_gmt":"2020-11-25T14:45:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shadow.bz\/?p=33"},"modified":"2020-11-25T14:45:12","modified_gmt":"2020-11-25T14:45:12","slug":"swimming-through-concrete","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/?p=33","title":{"rendered":"Swimming Through Concrete"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don’t understand why I can’t just push through this, why I feel trapped in my skin, or why it is a struggle to move the mouse around and click on things to do work and why it takes ten minutes to type one f’ing sentence.<\/p>\n

I had an anxiety attack on Monday at work and now I am embarrassed that both my Supervisor and Manager witnessed it and afterwards as I told my Supervisor today I feel embarrassed and like a drama queen.\u00a0 I begin to question and doubt myself on whether these are attention seeking behaviours or real emotions. They feel pretty real at the time but afterwards I just don’t understand myself or how someone like me can be so weak. I know others would tell me it isn’t me being weak but it sure feels like it after.<\/p>\n

I am normally a strong person and feel good about who I am but this shit makes me feel like a two year old.<\/p>\n

It makes me worry about my job security which makes it even more frustrating that I can’t just push through it.<\/p>\n

I have a lot of compassion for others but sometimes I just can’t feel it for myself. My life isn’t even that hard compared to others who live in opressed societies.<\/p>\n

I feel like a failure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don’t understand why I can’t just push through this, why I feel trapped in my skin, or why it is a struggle to move the mouse around and click on things to do work and why it takes ten minutes to type one f’ing sentence. I had an anxiety attack on Monday at work […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=33"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33\/revisions\/34"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=33"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=33"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=33"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}