{"id":27,"date":"2020-10-08T14:28:29","date_gmt":"2020-10-08T14:28:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shadow.bz\/?p=27"},"modified":"2020-10-08T14:28:29","modified_gmt":"2020-10-08T14:28:29","slug":"slogging-through-oceans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/?p=27","title":{"rendered":"Slogging Through Oceans"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Started off the work day by almost having a panic attack which I haven\u2019t had in a long time. I took a sublingual Lorazepam but was a sobbing mess (still kind of am) and thank goodness I am working from home today. I called my workplace EFAP and had a quick emergency counselling session and have booked myself a regular session for later in the month. I felt (feel) frozen in my skin and like my skin was (is) crawling and trying to even click the mouse to try and do some work is a huge struggle, like trying charge through water. I am trying my best to not call my boss and be a sobbing mess on the phone and ask her to change the schedule so I am working from home instead of in the office. I have no idea if I am going to be like this tomorrow but I do know I am going to have a huge headache and look like shit from all the crying and from trying not to cry.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\"><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/p>\n<p>It all started with fixating on the death of my biological father who died in the parking lot of a strip club. Not sure why I was thinking about it. Arranging his burial two years ago was the first time in about 18 years that I\u2019d had anything to do with him. He was not a good person. Do I sound overly dramatic and attention seeking there? I am always worried that is what other people will think, that I just want attention. I guess that is why I don\u2019t talk about this stuff to my friends and online groups. It always comes around to me thinking how I am so lucky compared to so many others in this world and I am nothing but a whiner for crying over these stupid problems.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Fuck.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Started off the work day by almost having a panic attack which I haven\u2019t had in a long time. I took a sublingual Lorazepam but was a sobbing mess (still kind of am) and thank goodness I am working from home today. I called my workplace EFAP and had a quick emergency counselling session and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=27"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27\/revisions\/29"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=27"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=27"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shadow.bz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=27"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}